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A: I was preparing to write a different book with my friend and colleague Dominic Cappello -- on the sexual life of islands (Bali, Jamaica, Barbados, Cuba, Puerto Rico, Ibiza, Mykonos and Manhattan) when my editor Mary Ellen O’ Neil said that the book she would be interested in was a memoir about my own experiences as a single woman. She was so enthusiastic about the prospect of having a memoir that I changed plans and asked Dom if he would help me as my editor and advisor on the new project. It was a tough decision; I was nervous about writing about my life and loves in a frank and explicit format. I did find it intimidating at first but I also felt that being honest and giving details about dating in mid life to other women would give other 50 plus women support and permission to have a full sexual and romantic life. Q: Did you ever feel unsafe as your traveled meeting men? A: Not really, but looking back on it, I should have. After one experience in Beirut described in Prime, I became a lot more cautious and safety conscious. Q: How was it for your ex-boyfriends to read Prime? A: Well, how about my current boyfriend? He went into momentary melt down but has since accepted the past as the past and is being a good egg about the whole thing. I have had some “difficult discussions” with a couple of the ex-boyfriends- but they also have turned a corner. Some others, not so much. Q: What happened with your dating relationships after you finished writing Prime? A: After I finished Prime I kept seeing the Chef for awhile but that became the friendship it was always meant to be. I went online again and emailed someone who sounded intelligent, open and athletic. However when I contacted him, he wasn't so sure he wanted to meet me. He had been married and dated many "Alpha" sorts of women and I think he wanted to make sure that I wasn't so busy and or self absorbed that there would be no room for a real relationship. I wrote him back and asked him if he had seen the scene in Nottinghill, where Hugh Grant rebuffs Julia Roberts indicating her world is just too big, too glamorous and she is too famous for him. She looks at him and says something like, "I am just a girl looking for a guy."(Or that was my spin on it anyhow.) He wrote back, " Ok, you got me with that one," and made a date to meet me. We met at a Sushi restaurant on a lake and it was a beautiful day. He was standing outside when I drove up and I was immediately pleasantly surprised because I thought he was much more handsome than his picture. He was quite tall, (of course everyone is tall for me but he was over six feet) trim and as one of my friends said to him, "So when did you start channeling Sam Shepard?" We have been seeing each other since September and it has really been a great experience. Q: How do you and your boyfriend keep the relationship happy? A: Well, we do things together that we both like—walking, hiking, skiing, sailing, and sex. We cuddle well. We are very direct with one another about what pleases or displeases us in the relationship. We try and do nice things for one another and show gratitude for any kind gesture. We concentrate on the strong points each of us have and remember that these gifts more than compensate for our deficiencies. In his case I admire his energy, intelligence, character, playfulness, and emotional maturity. Q: What was the riskiest part of writing Prime? A: Being honest with myself. Taking responsibility. Trying to be open and faithful to the material without looking like someone I wouldn’t want to know. Q: What has been the best thing out of writing Prime? A: Feeling liberated. It feels good to share. Having women tell me I have been an inspiration to them—especially “women of a certain age” who want encouragement to stay sensual, sexual, flirtatious and sexually and romantically fulfilled. |
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